Lads some of the jokes here are terrible!

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 13/09/2013 11:53:51    1481333

Dublin will win Sam in 2013!!!!!!

ExiledinDublin (Mayo) - Posts: 131 - 13/09/2013 12:33:13    1481381

Two skinheads walking down the road and there were pigeons flying around them. One says to the other "What would you do if a bird shite on your head?" he replied "I wouldn't phone her again"

martinprince (Tyrone) - Posts: 187 - 13/09/2013 12:40:59    1481388

Mr Whippy was found dead in his van,his head was covered in strawberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles. Police think he topped himself!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 13/09/2013 13:10:34    1481416

Two guys from Dublin die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in anoraks and hoodies warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks, "Isn't it hot enough for you?"

They reply, "'Well, we're from Dublin bud, and it's always raining. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit and dry out eh".

The devil decides they aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in anoraks and hoodies. The devil asks again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"

Again they reply, "Well, like we told ya, we're from Dublin, it's even wetter than Cork, and we're just happy for a chance to warm up and dry out a little, eh."

This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go.

People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two Dubliners in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Dubliners reply, "We don't get much warm weather in Dublin. We've just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice."

The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two Dubliners back in their anoraks and hoodies. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling & screaming like mad men!

The Devil is dumbfounded. "When I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"

The Dubliners look at the devil in surprise, "Don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean that Dublin have won the All-Ireland"

2winjustonce (Mayo) - Posts: 65 - 13/09/2013 13:14:26    1481422

2winjustonce
County: Mayo
Posts: 21

1481422 Two guys from Dublin die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in anoraks and hoodies warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks, "Isn't it hot enough for you?"

They reply, "'Well, we're from Dublin bud, and it's always raining. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit and dry out eh".

The devil decides they aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in anoraks and hoodies. The devil asks again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"

Again they reply, "Well, like we told ya, we're from Dublin, it's even wetter than Cork, and we're just happy for a chance to warm up and dry out a little, eh."

This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go.

People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two Dubliners in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Dubliners reply, "We don't get much warm weather in Dublin. We've just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice."

The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two Dubliners back in their anoraks and hoodies. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling & screaming like mad men!

The Devil is dumbfounded. "When I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"

The Dubliners look at the devil in surprise, "Don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean that Dublin have won the All-Ireland"

Thats brutal mate

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 13/09/2013 13:39:32    1481453

Elderly Dub and the wife at home watching TV.
Old Dub had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
Bidddy became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For f#@k sake! Leave on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

pcworld (Mayo) - Posts: 549 - 11/10/2013 21:16:17    1499756

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 22/11/2013 12:58:48    1516523

Fortyfive
Excellent lol.

KingdomBoy1 (Kerry) - Posts: 14092 - 22/11/2013 14:26:14    1516575

Have you heard about the Kerryman whose library burnt down?
Both books were destroyed, and one of them hadn't even been coloured in yet!

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 22/11/2013 17:44:24    1516696

kingdomboy.......Fortyfive
Excellent lol.

That confirms my suspicion.

pcworld (Mayo) - Posts: 549 - 22/11/2013 18:25:00    1516706

Three women are golfing on the fourth green when
suddenly a bloke runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says,
"Well, he's certainly not my husband."

As he passes by the second woman, she also glances at his
genitalia and says, "He's not my husband either."

He then passes by the third woman, who stares carefully as
he runs by her.

"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a club member!!!!"

pcworld (Mayo) - Posts: 549 - 22/11/2013 18:42:00    1516716

Nigella Lawson has been inconsolable since her divorce from Charles Saatchi. She just keeps shouting out, "charlie, charlie, where's my f****** charlie?"

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 29/11/2013 11:54:51    1519061

2 Women sitting at bus stop ag caint as gaeilge. 2 dubs walking past shout over will ye back to your only bleedin country.

header90 (Mayo) - Posts: 38 - 29/11/2013 14:07:48    1519109

header90
County: Mayo
Posts: 13

1519109 2 Women sitting at bus stop ag caint as gaeilge. 2 dubs walking past shout over will ye back to your only bleedin country.

This has to be up there with the worst joke ever posted on this thread. It's actually managed to make me depressed on a friday afternoon.

Breffni40 (Cavan) - Posts: 12120 - 29/11/2013 14:13:17    1519114

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

pcworld (Mayo) - Posts: 549 - 29/11/2013 15:51:01    1519143

A couple were Christmas shopping
The city was packed; as the wife walked through one of the arcades she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
"Well", he replied, "I'm in the pub next door."

pcworld (Mayo) - Posts: 549 - 06/12/2013 17:05:23    1521315

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,
'You Sign! You sign!'
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, 'You Sign! You sign!'
Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,
'You sign! You sign!'
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:
'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.
On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,
'You sign! You sign!'
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:
'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
(It's a beauty)
Wait for it) (Get your best Chinese accent ready)
'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

beal (Mayo) - Posts: 1388 - 06/12/2013 19:57:49    1521349

DJ Campbell has released a statement that he is 100% innocent and hopes he can still play in the 1-1 draw with Milwall at the weekend.

Horsebox77 (Kerry) - Posts: 5491 - 11/12/2013 13:37:03    1522558

That's brilliant horseback. Love it.

Malonemagic (Laois) - Posts: 767 - 11/12/2013 14:50:27    1522611