royaldunne!

TheGateKeeper (Tyrone) - Posts: 2843 - 09/08/2013 14:41:53    1457541

What's the difference between a Dog and a Fox?

10 pints. Yehayyyy!!!

gaelantrim (Antrim) - Posts: 1616 - 09/08/2013 15:21:32    1457608

Dublin send out scouts across the world to find new talent to help their cause to regain Sam. Word comes bck about a little Iraqi kid who could made the grade. They bring him to Dublin, get him registered and start trining him.
They are in the Leinster final against Meath and are 5 points down with 5 min to go. The Manager decides to give the young lad from Baghdad a run. He scores 2 goals and Dublin win by a point. He is carried shoulder high from the field. After the presentation the little lad runs down the tunnel, grabs his phone and rings home.

His mother answers and excited he tells her of his day. " Mama my team play in final, I score 2 goals, we win the cup. The players love me, the manager love me, the fans love me, the press love me. Everyone love me mama"
He Mother in a dead pan voice replies " good !!let me tell you about my day - My son, while you were having fun your sister has become a prostitue, you brother has been arrested for looting and your father has been injured in a drive by shooting - all this my son while you were having fun!

The little lad is full of remorse and sheepily says " Sorry Mama" Enraged his mother says " SORRY, SORRY, all you can say is Sorry when its all your fault we came to Dublin in the first place "

DeRoyals (Meath) - Posts: 27 - 09/08/2013 15:48:44    1457657

Q: What do you call a Kerryman seen holding a hurley?

A: Someone assisting the Gardaí with their enquiries

KeyserSoze (Cork) - Posts: 363 - 09/08/2013 15:59:32    1457678

Everything sucks except the vacuum cleaner

maroondiesel (Mayo) - Posts: 1197 - 09/08/2013 16:18:43    1457705

DeRoyals
County: Meath
Posts: 8

1457657 Dublin send out scouts across the world to find new talent to help their cause to regain Sam. Word comes bck about a little Iraqi kid who could made the grade. They bring him to Dublin, get him registered and start trining him.
They are in the Leinster final against Meath and are 5 points down with 5 min to go. The Manager decides to give the young lad from Baghdad a run. He scores 2 goals and Dublin win by a point. He is carried shoulder high from the field. After the presentation the little lad runs down the tunnel, grabs his phone and rings home.

His mother answers and excited he tells her of his day. " Mama my team play in final, I score 2 goals, we win the cup. The players love me, the manager love me, the fans love me, the press love me. Everyone love me mama"
He Mother in a dead pan voice replies " good !!let me tell you about my day - My son, while you were having fun your sister has become a prostitue, you brother has been arrested for looting and your father has been injured in a drive by shooting - all this my son while you were having fun!

The little lad is full of remorse and sheepily says " Sorry Mama" Enraged his mother says " SORRY, SORRY, all you can say is Sorry when its all your fault we came to Dublin in the first place "

That's awful DeRoyal!!!!

JayP (Dublin) - Posts: 1772 - 09/08/2013 16:38:49    1457727

If one synchronised swimmer drowns....... do they all have to ?...

beal (Mayo) - Posts: 1388 - 09/08/2013 17:03:59    1457742

This is another great joke


Mayo for sam

JosefnDongo (UK) - Posts: 66 - 11/08/2013 17:39:15    1458881

Tyrone Tom and Mayo Mick go on a Roller-coaster Mayo Mick turns to Tyrone Tom and says "Tom if we turn upside down will we fall out?"Tom says "Will we feck we've been mates for years"

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 23/08/2013 14:26:33    1466487

Just got back from Tramore....never again!

On the seafront I saw this lad and his moll having a shouting match until the woman smacked him in the head and they started fighting.
Then a Guard turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he started hitting the guy with his baton until in the end the guy gets the baton off the Guard and starts hitting him AND his moll!
......Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages!.


Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 23/08/2013 14:42:15    1466504

I have video of this incident ! that's the way to do it .....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6LmZ0A1s9U

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 23/08/2013 14:51:56    1466516

My mot has been giving me GBH of the ears for days now.
Its all: "you haven't spoken to me for days - you haven't taken me out for days - you don't fancy me any more - why don't you see a doctor - I'm going to stay with my Mother".....all that sort of stuff!
Ehhh, you don't understand woman!! - it was a foot inside the posts - a whole foot - and hawkeye went and flagged it as a 'miss'!!!


Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 23/08/2013 15:42:50    1466568

Last time I was in Australia I was strolling along a river bank with my mate when we came across a huge Croc laying on the bank with its jaws agape and a little head poking out! My mate said "look at that flash bastard, he's only got a Le Croc sleeping bag".

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 30/08/2013 15:47:03    1471528

the lone ranger and tonto are out in the wilderness and come across a bar, they walk inside and the lone ranger orders a drink and orders tonto to go outside and run around in circles.an old timer comes into the bar and goes up to the lone ranger and ask " are you the lone ranger", to which he replies yes, and the old timer say " well you left your engine running outside"

BOOM BOOM

pig.ignorant (Derry) - Posts: 655 - 30/08/2013 16:22:34    1471555

A woman has gone to A&E after a bizarre sex game went wrong, leaving her with 6 toy horses stuck up her arse.
Doctors have described her condition as stable!!!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 30/08/2013 16:23:17    1471556

Tottenham were drawn with FC Anji, FC Sheriff and Tromso in the Europa League earlier. If you haven't heard of them, they're a small team from London.
courtesy of PaddyPower.

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 30/08/2013 16:26:10    1471559

Two howaya sluts walk into Brown Thomas (Dublin), they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'. 'Yeah, what's it called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the f##k does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

2winjustonce (Mayo) - Posts: 65 - 30/08/2013 16:37:59    1471569

An old man walks slowly into an ice cream shop and buys a large ice cream. The girl behind the counter says "Crushed nuts?"
The old man replies "No, arthritis!"

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 30/08/2013 16:51:40    1471577

I've just been to the gym and they've got a new machine in.
I only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel a bit sick.
It's great though, it does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.."

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 30/08/2013 16:59:59    1471586

Paddy left for work on Friday 13th morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Paddy appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Mary who castigated Paddy for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, Mary stopped the nagging and said to Paddy, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Paddy replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Mary. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so that Paddy could see Mary a little out of the corner of his left eye.

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 13/09/2013 11:00:58    1481282