Just saw the neighbour's little kid trying to spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to.

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:09:14    1029876

This afternoon I'm bringing Sexy back.

Unfortunately "Sexy" is the name of my cat & we're returning from having him neutered at the vets.

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9151 - 08/09/2011 14:09:25    1029877

Wife: Hi, did you eat?
Me: Did you eat?
Wife: Are you copying me?
Me: Are you copying me?
Wife: I love you!
Me: Yes, I already ate.

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:09:59    1029879

A set of jump-leads walk into a bar!

Barman says: "I'll serve you, but dont start anything!"


Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 08/09/2011 14:11:24    1029881

Saw a chameleon today.

So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty s**t chameleon.

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:13:15    1029882

Good looking guy walks over to a fat ugly bird in a nightclub and asks: "Have you got a pen?"
Blushing, she says: "Yes!"
........."Well you better get back in it then before the farmer notices your missing!!"

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 08/09/2011 14:14:19    1029884

I've been married to my wife ten years today.

Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication.

I don't know how she does it.

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:15:10    1029885

"I propose a toast!"
....."To our wives and girlfriends!"
..........."May they never meet!"

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 08/09/2011 14:20:16    1029888

I helped a homeless guy move today.

I picked up his piece of cardboard in the shop door way and threw it across the street.

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:22:19    1029891

A homeless guy held a sign up at me today. It said: "Will work for food!"
I said: "Thanks for the offer, I'll just get two more quotes and then let you know!!"

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 08/09/2011 14:26:59    1029897

[i]A blonde and brunette were watching the six o'clock news.The main report was about a man about to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you €50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on". Sure enough, the man jumps, the blonde gives the brunette €50, the brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 '0'Clock news and saw the man jump then". "No you have to take it", says the blonde. "I watched the 5 0'Clock news too but didn't think he'd do it again".........

delordub (Kildare) - Posts: 108 - 08/09/2011 14:30:28    1029901

A blonde and brunette were watching the six o'clock news.The main report was about a man about to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you €50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on". Sure enough, the man jumps, the blonde gives the brunette €50, the brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 '0'Clock news and saw the man jump then". "No you have to take it", says the blonde. "I watched the 5 0'Clock news too but didn't think he'd do it again".........

______


Haha !! Very good

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13650 - 08/09/2011 14:54:13    1029916

What do yo call a dog with no tongue????......................... smelly Balls

skinthecat (Galway) - Posts: 394 - 08/09/2011 15:27:03    1029940

Little johnny in class one day shouts to teacher, miss i need to go for a piss, Teacher replys johnny its urinate. Johnny replys yes miss your an eight but if you had bigger breasts and a smaller butt you would be a nine..

skinthecat (Galway) - Posts: 394 - 08/09/2011 15:30:08    1029944

Time to lighten things up as many people are getting stressed that the oul boys from kerry are too slow and will be exposed by the nippy Dubs!!!
So here ye go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4

Regards,

Snufalufagus....Laochra Gael

Snufalufagus (Dublin) - Posts: 8100 - 16/09/2011 13:23:28    1036026

a man bought himself an iPad, his daughter an iPhone and son an iPod, he got his wife an iRon, complete with apps such as iWash, iCook and iClean, unfortunately this malfunctioned and the iNag was activated and now the iShag has been disabled!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 16/09/2011 14:05:24    1036098

Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile phone?.............in case Johnny Onion rings!!!

Htaem (Meath) - Posts: 8657 - 16/09/2011 14:35:48    1036158

Ok so these two brothers share a room together and one night the older brother takes his girlfriend back to their room for a bit of crack, now unfortunately they share a bunk bed aswell so the older brother peeks into the room first and sees that his little brother is asleep on the bottom bunk, so the two of them then sneak in and climb up to the top bunk quietly.

Now to keep things quiet and secret he tells his girlfriend to whisper 'lettuce' if she wants him to go faster and 'tomato' if she wants him to go slower. So he starts to go at it and she whispers 'lettuce lettuce lettuce' then 'tomato tomato tomato' but as things really start to heat up she forgets herself and starts screaming 'LETTUCE LETTUCE LETTUCE' then 'TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO' and at this stage the little brother wakes up and and shouts 'will yous two stop making bloody sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over me!!!'

Htaem (Meath) - Posts: 8657 - 16/09/2011 14:53:25    1036197

Dublin will win the all ireland in 2011.

BettystownRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 3353 - 16/09/2011 19:48:41    1036518

Englishman says to Paddy "whats the quickest way 2 Dublin?" paddy says "r u walking or driving" englishman says "driving" paddy says "thats the quickest way then"

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 28/09/2011 17:39:53    1043543