The unwritten rules of GAA The Official Guide, Parts 1 and 2, contain the regulations by which the great gathering called the Gaelic Athletic Association get by from day to day. With so many different sub units (club, county, provincial and national committees) there has to be rules laid out to guide us. Now just there, straight away, is the first problem with this months column - are rules for guidance or are they for strict application? The laws of our land set out to legislate also, but interpretation is a key facet of our legal system. Otherwise we might have no need for judges and juries - just appoint an officer to look at the relevant section and apply the punishment. The recent shambles that is the blood substitute shows, once again, that vested interests (usually at local levels) can muddy the waters in an instant if there is benefit to be had for their side. Let's be frank about this: Offaly made a complete mess of the blood sub rule and the law broken is a simple one. The player coming on to replace the bloodied player ordered off by the referee must himself be replaced by the bloodied player if he is not to count as a normal sub in his own right. No ifs or buts - just straightforward application. A rule was broken and the punishment is thus applied. But that is where Offaly and others introduce side issues that set out to appeal to your sense of fair play. Now we are heading towards interpretation again. I read them all this week: how it was the ref ordered off Pascal Kelleghan and not his manager and thus it has nothing to do with the team; how the table gave clearance to let on the last sub; how the last sub only came on in the last minute or two and sure could hardly have influenced the game! I have a bit of form in this area - in a former life as manager of the Mayo under 21 team in a Connaught final I gave one of the subs a late run out when we led by a very big score. Problem was, we had already used five………… The punishment was severe at the time - expulsion from the championship if I remember correctly - but common sense applied, especially from our opponents Sligo and the result stood. At this stage of proceedings, and with the stakes considerably higher, it is doubtful if Kildare will go quietly into the night. So, written rules are sometimes not worth the paper they are written on. Which got me thinking about the unwritten rules of Gaelic football. I read recently about all the unwritten rules of other sports - you know the ones: in baseball the batter always chews gum or tobacco; a sub in basketball always high fives his other subs; soccer players put the ball out of play when somebody is injured, and so on. It appears that we might be better off if we had no written regulations - just precedent built up over years of playing and traditions that all sides respected and got on with. But Gaelic football has some of the funniest, weirdest and daftest unwritten rules of any sport I know. We all know the standard one: the corner forward is the first man off any team even if the problems are in midfield or defence. However, when the above rule is considered in tandem with the decree that states: corner forwards always take the close in frees, we obviously have a dilemma. Here is another one: the manager gets more mobile and demonstrative when his team is winning coming down the stretch. The corollary is of course also true - if his team are being hammered he is nailed to the bench! Why does the goalkeeper always lick his hands before a penalty? And as he is licking his digits why does a row always break out where the exclusion semi-circle intersects the 20m line? Corner backs are worse - they spit into their hands as if greasing them up for the feed they are about to enjoy when a tasty little corner forward arrives in. Why is a free always awarded after a hop ball? Is it because it should not have been a hop ball in the first place and it is only delayed justice? On road trips management always sit up at the front and cards are always played at the back of the bus-why? What's wrong with the middle seats? Why does the player taking a sideline ball close to a flag pull it out and throw it away? Because he can? Why not let the linesman do it or move forwards or backwards a few metres to avoid it altogether? Is this allowed by written rule? The goalkeeper, call it pride or superstition, never allows the match ball enter his net when the ref blows for an earlier foul. I have witnessed the number one make a spectacular save even though he knows it is a free out for over-carrying. And speaking of net minders why are the new kicking out tees always frisbeed back into his net until the next time they are needed? Did you notice that when the national anthem plays all players in the group must flex their calves, rotate their heads to loosen their necks and drop their socks? None of these are in the rulebook! The team bus can only be delayed by the county chairman, the manager, the kit man and the team's three star players. Ordinary foot soldiers can never be the reason for a late arrival at a ground. When a manager finally wraps a long tactical session with: 'Any questions squad' nobody ever asks one. Even if total confusion reigns. Why do all players march out of step for the parade? Why do referees always blow full time on a kick-out? Why do managers never drink in the same bar as his players? Why do the players in losing dressing rooms always look like somebody has died? Is it really such a loss? Even when the qualifiers are next Saturday and you have a bottom of Division 2 team to face. And how come commentators and sports analysts always tell us the official attendance? The announcer says: 'there will be at least four minutes of injury time played'. Why does the winning captain say: 'Ta an athais orm an ………….'. Why does the Ard Maor rugby tackle the winning captain? Why does everybody engage in outrageous hugging under the Hogan Stand when a cup is won? When the ref has the ball at the end of the final and is obliged to give it to the winning captain why do four other lads assault him trying to pull it from his grasp? Do players realise at least ten different balls are used for a final? Nothing original about the winning one! See, the unwritten rules are the best ones. Too many rules and regulations upset the Common Low Class Gael - we don't take easily to good order, discipline and obedience in this association. And I am only scratching at the surface here - wait until the sub species 'Junior Football' is examined. Tweet

Most Read Stories