Former Cork hurler Conor Cusack discusses his mental health blog on Ireland AM.

Last week Conor Cusack wrote a blog about his battle with depression which quickly went viral and travelled all over the world.

He joined Sinead Desmond and Mark Cagney on the Ireland AM couch this morning to discuss his own mental health journey and why he decided to go public.

Speaking to Mark Cagney and Sinead Desmond on Ireland AM this morning (Tuesday 5th November), former Cork hurler Conor Cusack said he created the blog because he wanted to share his story with others to encourage people struggling with their mental health to seek help. He described how a local woman sought help from him and she was afraid of others finding out about how she was feeling.

"This is a 75-year-old woman. She's walked this earth for 75 years. How long more does she have to wait before she is independent of what other people think about her, you know?"

"It's bad enough not feeling well and being depressed or whatever but it's equally bad that you're terrified that somebody might find out about it and that was one of the reasons."

"I wanted to give a message of hope to people that are struggling, you know I don't think there could have been few people in a worse position than I was in and get out of it and come out the other side - and also [I wanted] to lessen the stigma and taboo that's attached to mental health, depression and anxiety."

Speaking about a time where he almost took his own life, Conor explains the relief he felt when he decided to commit suicide.

"The desire for death outweighed my desire for living so I made a decision one night at 3 o'clock one morning, I said look I was going to kill myself and an incredible peace came over me for the first time in years I had a really good night's sleep because my body and my mind knew that I'm not going to have to be going through this anymore."

Conor said that he had everything planned down to a tee but thankfully, his mother did not leave the house that day.

"She had no particular reason why she didn't go but my mother has great faith and perhaps it was divine intervention or maybe it was a mother's instinct but thanks be to God literally that she didn't go to mass."

Conor said that in the last 12 years peoples' opinions no longer have weight with him.

"If I was concerned about what other people think about me, because I have no doubt wherever I might go people might say 'oh look, that's the fella there that was bad with his nerves' or whatever the case is, you might not go outside the front door so I'm incredibly comfortable. I've played an All-Ireland Final in front of 82, 000 people and so other peoples' opinions, thankfully I'm very independent of that."

Speaking about how he was offered electric shock therapy at 19, Conor said that he knew it was not right for him.

"The idea of sitting down and getting electricity pumped through my body, it just didn't sit well with me and thankfully [I said no]."
When it comes to recovery, Conor is quick to explain that there is no magic solution; it's a process that takes time.

"I don't think you suddenly fall into depression, it's a gradual decline because depression is a totally different thing to feeling sad or any of those things so it's a gradual decline into it. I suppose one of the key things I want to say is it's a very gradual decline out of it as well."

"It wasn't a straight curve back up for me. It was a case of I could be there for two or three months and be really good and then bang I'd get a bang of depression again and I'm off work for another week and then you're back on track again and away you go again. For two or three years it was that kind of a yo-yo of making progress and not making progress."

"When I was suffering from depression at its most severe it was a battle royale against this thing that was trying to kill me; that I felt was trying to kill me you know and it wasn't until I started to understand it and understand its purpose."

You can watch the full interview here. Ireland AM airs Monday to Friday on TV3 from 7am - 10.45am on TV3.

To read Conor Cusack's blog, click here. Tweet

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