Richie Rich wanted a cowboy outfit for his 6th birthday. So his father bought him Mayo...

Finsceal (None) - Posts: 559 - 15/07/2008 09:37:03    48424

A Cavan family go shopping for the day in monaghan and in the sports shop the young boy of the family goes running up to his sister and says he wants a monaghan jersey, she hits him a slap and tells him to go to his mother. when he says to his mother i want this monaghan jersey she hits him a slap and tells him to go to his father. when he gets to his father and tells hi he wants the monaghan jersey the father hits him a slap and takes the jersey off him.
on the way home in the car that evening the father asks his son in front of the rest of the family ,"now what have you learned today son?"
to which he replies " that all cavan people are hateful f**kers!"

did ya hear about the cavan man that was sick of cavan losing ,dressed himself in his whole cavan kit and jumped in the river. when the guards found him the returned his body to the family in stockings and suspenders. when asked by a relative on the quiet why he was wearing that the guards replied. you have to understand it would be very embarassing for the family if we had have returned him with the cavan gear on.

why did the cavan man buy his wife lipstick for christmas , cause he knew he'd get half of it back!
did ya hear about the cavan man that watched mass on tv, he turned off during the collection!

NorthMonaghan (Monaghan) - Posts: 100 - 15/07/2008 23:30:55    49083

What about the Monaghan man who watched the porno movies backwards. He wanted to see the prostitute giving back the money.

A Monaghan man also went to the garda. He reported his home broken into while out training. He told the garda that his national league medal was stolen and other valuables. He also told him that he had made a pot of stew earlier to eat when he came home and that the burglar had s*** in it and he had to throw the half of it out.

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 15/07/2008 23:46:09    49089

Cavan slasher, you must have a wild pick on them Monaghan lads as anytime I normally hear them sorta jokes they usually involve Cavan men. Your love of Monaghan obviously compares to that of mine and Derry!

mugsys_barber (Tyrone) - Posts: 2160 - 15/07/2008 23:56:15    49094

You better believe it Mugsy. Have to keep minnows in their place.

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 16/07/2008 00:02:43    49099

Although I do hope that Monaghan are victorious over the "Dark side" on Saturday afternoon!

mugsys_barber (Tyrone) - Posts: 2160 - 16/07/2008 00:23:17    49109

mugsys_barber
County: Tyrone
Posts: 102

49094 Cavan slasher, you must have a wild pick on them Monaghan lads as anytime I normally hear them sorta jokes they usually involve Cavan men. Your love of Monaghan obviously compares to that of mine and Derry!

Why the big hate on Derry? they are your neighbours afterall.
I can understand the Cavan/Monaghan hate thing but Why Tyrone Hate Derry so much... is it because they steel your players?

FromTheNa (Mayo) - Posts: 583 - 16/07/2008 07:56:12    49135

Is that why Cavan people rarely venture outside the county boundaries then? God knows they haven't been in croker much recently...

mid-mon man (Monaghan) - Posts: 1680 - 16/07/2008 08:07:42    49136

"Have to keep minnows in their place. "??! And that said by a Cavan man. Oh dear

seanieGG (Meath) - Posts: 182 - 16/07/2008 09:42:48    49176

After last years All Ireland Final Pat O'Shea the Kerry Manager & Billy Morgan the Cork Manager were up in the players bar in Croke Park having a few pints. Talk soon turned to who would be the biggest threats to Kerry's crown in 2008. They went through the provinces of Munster & Ulster and discussed the teams they thought would be the biggest threat. They then started to discuss Leinster, both agreed Dublin & Meath would be strong in 2008. Pat O'Shea then says to Billy Morgan " What would you think of football in Westmeath? " Billy Morgan replies...... " Jaysus I think that would be a great idea "....... ;)

Faithful_Fan (Offaly) - Posts: 34 - 16/07/2008 09:51:20    49185

Mid-mon-man. I am rarely in Cavan these days at all. The other half is a Monaghan woman. Didnt see yis too often in Croker lately yourselves. Believe it or not i hope Monaghan win the minor game on sunday.

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 16/07/2008 10:27:15    49223

Ah slasher tis all in jest, god knows we've nothing to shout about. I've plenty of cavan friends and we slag each other relentlessly but sure isn't that what cavan and monaghan people are supposed to do?! Wish I shared your optimism on our minors. Supposed to be a serious tyrone outfit, but our boys are on a good roll and who knows what could happen. 63 years is a long time. This weekend sees 3 of our teams playing, and our hurlers probably have the best chance of the lot, god I never thought I'd say that.

mid-mon man (Monaghan) - Posts: 1680 - 16/07/2008 10:40:53    49245

Ciaran MacManus gets a phone call in the middle of the night.He picks up the phone and the voice on the phone said ''is this 987654?'' to which MacManus replied''no its 987653'' the voice said ''im so sorry for troubling you this late at night'' MacManus replied''its ok I had to get up to answer the phone anyway!''

southsider (Westmeath) - Posts: 132 - 16/07/2008 11:59:03    49389

Cute Kerryman to Corkman at begininng of Championship: It's great to see Cork back after the strike. People were really beginning to get worried.
Corkman: Worried about what?
Kerryman (still cute): About how long the strike was going on. I mean it was even longer than the Lock-out of 1913.
Corkman: What do you mean? Sure we were only on strike for the beginning of the league, about 1 month in total.
Kerryman: No, ye weren't. It started at half-time in last year's All-Ireland football final.

shoulderghost (Limerick) - Posts: 863 - 16/07/2008 13:36:14    49565

Oooh Faithful_Fan, cruising slightly on that one after the hiding ye got in Tullamore this year!!!!!

Tpassfan (Westmeath) - Posts: 9 - 16/07/2008 13:56:36    49582

Just got these on email - dunno if they'll survive the censor's cut though ...

My sister took an English relation to a club game of ours many years ago. During the course of the game, when things weren't going too well for one of our corner backs a woman in the crowd was shouting: 'take that useless **** off, he's good for nothing.' Needless to say the English relation was horrified at such a remark and tried to reason with the lady saying: 'there's no need for that language, I'm sure you wouldn't like someone saying those things about your son,' to which she replied: 'sure the useless **** is my son!'


Didn't hear this one myself, but the great Willie Joe Padden told me he heard it at last year's Mayo v Galway match from an ould fella behind him. Just after Conor Mortimer missed the chance with the free, he stood up screaming: 'Jesus, if Lee Harvey Oswald had been from Mayo, JFK'd be alive and kicking!'


A barrel of a man who was very much involved in Laois GAA was at a junior football match in Abbeyleix one night and went on just to make up the numbers, (I remember seeing the jersey pulled on and him playing with the socks around the trousers and someone else's boots). Anyway he was running around but his low stature was telling and one of the lads shouted at him:
'For **** sake Sabu (his nickname) will you go up for the ball to which the reply was, 'sure I'm not a ******* eejit, won't it come down to me.'


At a Reserve game in County Derry one team who had only the bare fifteen trotted off at the break getting pretty badly beaten and Johnny at full forward was having a nightmare...here is part of the half time talk. Manager: 'Johnny, your coming off.' Johnny: 'but we only have the bare 15.' [pause]
Manager: 'come on off anyway.'


Galway minors played Kilkenny in the All Ireland semi final in '88. The Cats (Carey, Ronan, O'Neill, Carter, etc) were walking it. Ronan was injured in the second half and the Kilkenny doc was stitching him on the field. As the time went on a disgruntled Galwayman shouts out: 'If ye don't hurry up he'll be over age!'


At a minor league game a couple of years ago our manager was giving the usual ******* and blindin' at us when a spectator said to him over the fence: 'don't be so ignorant... (pause)... ya big fat f*cker ya.'

Nice Tipperary one.
Workmates console Eddie Tucker after Tipp are demolished by Clare and he's had a bad day: 'don't worry about it Eddie, it wasn't your fault, 'twas the feckin eejits that picked ya.'

Another classic I've been told involves the Ballygar-St. Brendan's hurling club in Galway where a major dispute reared it's head at the AGM. The chairman is reportedly a straight-talking bachelor of questionable diplomacy. Amidst the row a newly appointed priest took the floor, commenting on how the GAA should be a focal point for the 2 parishes, not a source of argument. He continued on about how everyone should pull together for the good of the club and see the club as a unifying force. The chairman stood up and said: 'Thanks a lot for that now Father, but that's the kind of ***** that sickens my hole'.

Dubinmeath (Dublin) - Posts: 1123 - 16/07/2008 14:34:09    49641

What do you call a Mayo man with an All Ireland medal?

An antiques dealer.

Clash-of-da-ash (Galway) - Posts: 927 - 16/07/2008 15:11:33    49689

clash of the ash

- A transexual

Derry_ledd (Derry) - Posts: 2093 - 16/07/2008 15:17:29    49697

What do you call a Mayo man with an All Ireland Medal?
A Transvestite!

A cavan footballer viciously breaks his leg and is rushed to hospital, the doctor informs him the damage is too great and they will need to amputate the leg or he will die. The Cavan man asks for a moment and the doctor leaves the room. When he returns he asks if there are any questions about the procedure, to which the Cavan man asks "when ye cut the leg off will ye wrap it in newspaper, I want to bring the bone home for the dog!"

Spuddy (Mayo) - Posts: 345 - 16/07/2008 15:21:49    49698

Did anybody hear about the offaly man NOT covered from head to toe in sweat & bog......no! neither did I

Why do offaly people have scars on their faces....from trying to eat with knives & forks!

BigRon1 (Westmeath) - Posts: 80 - 16/07/2008 17:04:47    49828