Breffni39
County: Cavan
Posts: 4379

841415
Jaysus Con we seem to have got off on the wrong foot, truce?

_____

Meh, whatever

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 07/01/2011 14:57:12    841446

Dont leave me hanging Con!! the hand of friendship is outstretched....

Breffni40 (Cavan) - Posts: 12378 - 07/01/2011 15:15:34    841465

The pre christmas attack was gratuitous but .. fair enough. truce

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 07/01/2011 15:27:06    841478

I'll let someone else make the obvious point!

ochonlir (Cavan) - Posts: 4343 - 07/01/2011 16:49:17    841583

With all the talk about the Chilean minors last year, they should have some decent seniors for 2011!

SomeBuachaill (Wicklow) - Posts: 118 - 07/01/2011 17:33:12    841651

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, the light was definitely red, and sure enough, they went right through again. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through two red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my, am I driving?"

OntheWhiteSide (Kildare) - Posts: 452 - 07/01/2011 18:16:33    841705

OntheWhiteSide
County: Kildare
Posts: 41
_____

thats klarse :)))

Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?



About 8 beers

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 07/01/2011 19:03:08    841746

Here's another one -

Jeff and Paula are getting ready for bed.
Paula is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. "You know, Jeff," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg!" My body has just gone to hell in a hand basket! She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."
Jeff studies Paula critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

OntheWhiteSide (Kildare) - Posts: 452 - 07/01/2011 20:26:50    841811

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 12/01/2011 12:30:32    844609

A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his tractor fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the Co-op and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his mebs he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to Ballydrinagh
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my place is very up that way, I would walk you there but I can't carry all this stuff.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take a short cut and go down this boreen. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without no husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the boreen you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy jaze woman! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 14/01/2011 13:52:56    846177

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on a long sucessful marriage.



The Queen replied,



1. Wear a seat belt.



2. Don't pee me off

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 14/01/2011 14:02:34    846189

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Gagged a little bit

stranmillis29 (Antrim) - Posts: 788 - 15/01/2011 08:49:53    846692

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."
But she did..

wishfulthinkin (Cavan) - Posts: 1732 - 15/01/2011 11:13:26    846726

Two parrots sitting on a perch and one says 'd'you smell fish?'

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 15/01/2011 12:03:26    846759

I took the Wife's family out for tea and biscuits yesterday.
They weren't too happy about giving blood though.

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 27/01/2011 15:43:01    855008

Just bought Fifa 12 for the PS3, its so realistic, every time the wife picks up the controller Andy Gray shouts "Get back in the ******* kitchen"

RunOfThePigs (Donegal) - Posts: 131 - 27/01/2011 15:49:41    855015

I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked"

Con Cavan (Cavan) - Posts: 894 - 27/01/2011 15:55:36    855021

Female assistant referee Sian Massey is being sponsored by "Just for men", she's only been used once and the Gray is gone!!!!

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 28/01/2011 11:19:57    855592

I dream of a better world where cats can cross the road without having their motives questioned...

RoyalClass (Meath) - Posts: 790 - 28/01/2011 14:20:49    855769

RoyalClass
County: Meath
Posts: 233

855769
I dream of a better world where cats can cross the road without having their motives questioned...

the same could be said about Chicken's to!.

fortyfive (Tyrone) - Posts: 5929 - 28/01/2011 14:55:58    855806