MARY SAID TO HER MOTHER, MOM I AM GOING TO DEVORCE JOHN. HER MOTHER SAID MARY WHY WOULD TOU DO THAT, JOHN IS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE YOU HAVE A NICE HOUSE WITH SERVANTS A HOME IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE A LAMBORGINI IN THE DRIVEWAY, WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WOULD YOU DO THAT. MARY SAID MOM WHEN I MARRIED JOHN FIVE YEARS AGO MY V----A WAS THE SIZE OF A PENNY AND NOW IT IS THE SIZE OF A EURO, HER MOM SAID AND YOU WOULD GIVE UP ALL THAT FOR 99 CENTS

forty four (None) - Posts: 17 - 09/09/2010 16:14:09    770039

what's the only profession cripple can't do?

stand-up comedy

mayoboy1 (Mayo) - Posts: 1654 - 10/09/2010 20:19:45    771263

what's the only profession cripple can't do?

stand-up comedy
mayoboy1 , 10/09/2010 at 20:19

thats a david mcsavage one!

thurlesblues (Tipperary) - Posts: 4475 - 10/09/2010 20:35:47    771276

I said to the wife in bed the other night,

"Give us a Chilean miner,would you darling"

"Whats that?" she said,

Go down to the bottom of me shaft and stay there till f**king Christmas !!

b.mullins (Dublin) - Posts: 1413 - 10/09/2010 21:19:43    771338

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident... The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.....for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together FOREVER?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You CAN get married in Heaven.."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering: what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What' s wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a solicitor?"

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 13/09/2010 14:29:05    772992

whats this thread going to do when it hits 100 000 views as there is no room in the box? i hope like the GAA, hoganstand have a plan B !!

BettystownRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 3353 - 14/09/2010 17:57:27    774385

*Thierry Henry dies and is standing at the pearly gates*
There is a heavenly man standing before him at the gates.

Man: Is there anything you would like to confess before you are let into heaven.

Thierry: Well actually there is, a few years ago in a very important football match against ireland i intentionally handled the ball which led to the winning goal!
France went to the world cup and ireland didn't.

Man: That's pretty bad Thierry unfortunately you won't be allowed past the pearly gates.

Thierry: But St. Peter it was only a mistake and after all it was only a game of football.

Man: It's St. Peter's day off, I'm St. Patrick and your gonna burn in hell ya cheating b*****d !

BettystownRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 3353 - 14/09/2010 19:32:06    774493

5inrowCat
County: Kilkenny
Posts: 49

758233
I have heard this being bandied around lately


What do you call a Tipp man who says 'We'll we win Liam'....


Delusional!


gets me every time hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
***************

hahahahaha

mattybhoy (UK) - Posts: 170 - 14/09/2010 21:11:52    774594

mattybhoy
County: UK
Posts: 5

774594
5inrowCat
County: Kilkenny
Posts: 49

758233
I have heard this being bandied around lately


What do you call a Tipp man who says 'We'll we win Liam'....


Delusional!


gets me every time hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
***************

hahahahaha


Ha ha ha. 5inarowCat really done a vanishing act.

premierfan (Tipperary) - Posts: 121 - 15/09/2010 11:44:30    774822

14/09/2010 17:57:27
BettystownRoyal
County: Meath
Posts: 438

774385 whats this thread going to do when it hits 100 000 views as there is no room in the box? i hope like the GAA, hoganstand have a plan B !!
________________________

Seems to be ok now that it haxs gone over 100,000. Over 1,000,000 would be a problem though, as there doesn't look to be space for 7 figures. However, that will take years to get there and the site will probably have evolved further by then.

Loughduff Lad (Cavan) - Posts: 2480 - 15/09/2010 12:16:52    774864

Loughduff Lad
County: Cavan
Posts: 346

774864 14/09/2010 17:57:27
BettystownRoyal
County: Meath
Posts: 438

774385 whats this thread going to do when it hits 100 000 views as there is no room in the box? i hope like the GAA, hoganstand have a plan B !!

It wont really matter how many are in the box, the umpires wont notice a thing

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 15/09/2010 13:10:30    774953

Loughduff Lad
County: Cavan
Posts: 346

774864
14/09/2010 17:57:27
BettystownRoyal
County: Meath
Posts: 438

774385 whats this thread going to do when it hits 100 000 views as there is no room in the box? i hope like the GAA, hoganstand have a plan B !!
________________________

Seems to be ok now that it haxs gone over 100,000. Over 1,000,000 would be a problem though, as there doesn't look to be space for 7 figures. However, that will take years to get there and the site will probably have evolved further by then.

____________________________________

1 000 000 it is. and lol dhorse

BettystownRoyal (Meath) - Posts: 3353 - 15/09/2010 15:34:22    775135

Paddy & Mick flew to Canada for a bit of hunting

They chartered a helicopter to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. Loading the helicopter to return, the Pilot said the helicopter could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same helicopter as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The helicopter took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the helicopter couldn't handle the load and went down.

Miraculously, surrounded by moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 24/09/2010 20:05:13    783522

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact: " Susanne ... Suzanne "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"



No,,,,,,,, Im a rabbit in Arizona

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 27/09/2010 20:01:36    785320

Little Johnny's teacher says "Whoever can answer the following questions can have a half day off school. Who said . . . ask not what your country can do for you . . "
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy shouts "John F Kennedy"
Teacher says "Excellent Nancy, you can go"
Next the teacher asks " Who said . . . I have a dream . . . "
Again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary shouts out " Martin Luther King "
Teacher says "Brilliant Mary . . you can go "
Little Johnny is fuming.
Just as teacher turns her back Johnny says " I wish those two fecking slags would have kept their mouths shut . . !"
Teacher spins round and demands " Who said that?"
Little Johnny replies " Wayne Rooney . . . see you tomorrow Miss . . .!!"

KerryLondoner (Kerry) - Posts: 41 - 28/09/2010 11:31:06    785613

Tiger Woods has pulled out of the golf tournament in wales,
He was under the impression it was the Ride Her Cup

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 28/09/2010 11:40:31    785628

I see you're still buying the Irelands Own lads !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 28/09/2010 16:23:44    785990

An old man walks into a jewellers with a young beautiful blonde and asks to see some expensive diamonds. The assistant shows him a diamond valued at 5,000 euro. The old man says that it is too cheap and that he wants one valued at 50,000. The blond's eyes nearly fell out when she saw the huge diamond and the old las promptly wrote out a cheque and told the assistant that he would be back to collect the diamond the following Monday when the cheque cleared. On Monday the assistant rang the old man saying that the cheque was worthless as there was no money behind it. The old man said " I know that, but can you imagine the weekend i had " !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 07/10/2010 14:03:51    791889

Viagara are Andy Murray's new sponsors: "For men who can't get beyond a semi" is their catchy new slogan.

Lockjaw (Donegal) - Posts: 9907 - 07/10/2010 15:14:53    791974

Lockjaw .. good to see you quote frankie boyle on mock the week :)

waynoI (Dublin) - Posts: 13655 - 07/10/2010 15:42:32    791983