Pat goes to visit his friend Mick on his farm. He finds him in the machinery shed in a state of undress dancing around his Massey Ferguson. He asked him what he was doing and Mick told him that he and his wife Mary were not getting along well and the therapist told him to do something sexy to a tractor !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 23/08/2010 21:40:59    754305

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 27/08/2010 19:13:31    758229

I have heard this being bandied around lately


What do you call a Tipp man who says 'We'll we win Liam'....


Delusional!


gets me every time hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

5inrowCat (Kilkenny) - Posts: 49 - 27/08/2010 19:23:17    758233

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you." The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 27/08/2010 19:24:00    758235

These jokes are terrible !!!!!

Yours In Sport,
Joseff

joseff (Louth) - Posts: 964 - 27/08/2010 19:29:00    758238

joseff
County: Louth
Posts: 855

758238 These jokes are terrible !!!!!

Yours In Sport,
Joseff


Yeah you're a good judge alright Buford, I mean joseff!

The joke I posted (I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.) won best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

You wouldn't know a good joke if it came up and grabbed your *****!

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 27/08/2010 20:02:03    758265

Paddy was picked up on a rape charge.
He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was brought into the room.
Paddy jumped forward and screamed "Thats her! Thats her! Oi'd recognize her anywhere!"

long_ball_in (Meath) - Posts: 39 - 28/08/2010 21:49:23    758863

Coming soon to Channel 4, Reality Program, 1 Cave, 33 Miners, 4 months. Dont miss DIG BROTHER!!!!

bananapublican (Leitrim) - Posts: 878 - 02/09/2010 12:11:56    763245

TEACHER...If i give you two rabbits and another two and another two how many Rabbits will you have Paddy?
PADDY..Seven Sir

TEACHER..No. Listen carefully..If i give you two rabbits and another two rabbits and another two rabbits ,how many will you have?
PADDY...Seven Sir.

TEACHER..Let me put it differently.If i gave you two apples and another two apples and another two apples ,how many would you have?
PADDY... Six Sir.

TEACHER..Good..Now if i gave you two rabbits and another two rabbits and another two rabbits ,how many would you have?
PADDY..Seven Sir

TEACHER...Where the F....do you get Seven from?
PADDY...Because ive F...ing got one at home you c....t

richiej (UK) - Posts: 1430 - 02/09/2010 13:26:55    763348

Man and his wife going to work one morning seen six men walking around the graveyard carrying a coffin. On the way home hours later the men were still going around carrying the coffin. Thats very strange said the husband. Ya said the wife i think they must have lost the plot.

xxx (Mayo) - Posts: 1275 - 02/09/2010 13:38:34    763368

Young man to Kerry farmer " Do you prefer legs or breasts ?"

Farmer " well actually i prefer shaved ******* " !!

Young man "Well sir thats not really an option in a K.F.C. Bargain Bucket" !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 02/09/2010 14:23:59    763432

My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.
I said, "YOU suffer from a lack of imagination."
Me 1 Her 0

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 02/09/2010 14:40:11    763458

Opened my wheelie bin the other day and a wasp flew out. Theres some sick people in this world.

Brolly (Monaghan) - Posts: 4472 - 02/09/2010 15:52:32    763547

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

throw_it_over (Galway) - Posts: 769 - 02/09/2010 16:09:25    763562

It must be awkward, mustn't it, if your name's Lol and you have to text someone to tell them a close relative has died.

I used to work for the Samaritans. I phoned in sick one day, but they talked me out of it.

I just handed my notice in at the helium balloon factory.
I'm not going to be spoken to like that.

The smallest zoo in the world opened yesterday on the Aran Islands. The only animal it has is a small dog.
It's a shitzu.

When I was growing up my uncle was a rubbish ventriloquist, he used to shove his hand up my backside and tell me not to tell anyone.

My grandad was very ill so we rubbed his back with lard. He went downhill very fast after that.

Wests_Awake (Galway) - Posts: 877 - 03/09/2010 14:03:58    764366

Just quit my job in the sellotape factory.
I couldnt stick it

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 03/09/2010 15:03:18    764435

I know its not Friday, but what the hell:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here, screwing it".

late.down.fan (Down) - Posts: 41 - 04/09/2010 15:28:30    765026

Customer walks into shop with fat girl behind counter.

Customer : Gis a bottle of coke and a kitkat chunky.

Fat Girl: Sorry we only have the normal kitkats.

Customer: Thats what I asked for didnt I?

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 09/09/2010 13:42:40    769799

5 in a row!

thurlesblues (Tipperary) - Posts: 4475 - 09/09/2010 13:55:19    769816

A friend of mine has just started their own business manufacturing landmines that look like Prayer Mats.

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof !!

Burnsey (Down) - Posts: 561 - 09/09/2010 13:58:47    769825