P.Mus
County: Cavan
Posts: 139

729737 why did the skelton run up the tree? ...the dog was after his bones..

what wobbles in the air? ... a jellycopter!

thank u im here all evening.
30/07/2010 16:07:39


and I thought the beating we recieved in Cork was humiliating?

ochonlir (Cavan) - Posts: 4343 - 30/07/2010 16:37:11    729837

A strongish woman wearing a sleeveless dress walked in a pub in Kinnity. She raised her right arm revealing a huge hairy armpit.

She pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The place went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a very regular customer slammed his hand down on the counter and roared, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The barman poured the drink and the woman lurried it down. She turned to the customers and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again the same little lad slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The barman approached the little man and said,
"Tell me Timmy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

Timmy replies, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!"

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 31/07/2010 21:44:07    731102

Dhorse joke reminds me of the 1970's classic


The East German women were famous for underarm hair while raising their arms after another blistering victory in the Olympics. One such athelete was very concerned when she developed hair on her chest. She went to her doctor and explained her embarassing problem. "how far down does the hair go" said the doctor, to which she replied......"all the way down to me mickey"

ochonlir (Cavan) - Posts: 4343 - 01/08/2010 11:45:41    731236

A retired aul lad out fishing on lough Ramor.
Sitting in his boat enjoying a jam sandwich when he hears a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, I'd rather have a talking frog.'

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 05/08/2010 19:25:12    737403

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue..

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.

Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.
When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth.
Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes Back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!

Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 05/08/2010 19:45:44    737436

O'Neills sent five hundred meaths jerseys to Haiti after the earthquake. The jerseys were returned with a note to say they had lost everything but they still had their dignity.

xxx (Mayo) - Posts: 1275 - 06/08/2010 10:16:22    737710

A hen pecked husband died and surprisingly ended up in hell. Upon arrival he started to through his weight about. The devil watched him for a few days but behaviour did not change.

The devil decided enough was enough and called the little man over. The devil said 'I have been watching you and I do not like your behaviour here'. The little man asked 'why not'. The devil said 'well you are acting as if you own the place'. The little man says 'but I do'. The devil said 'how did you reach that conclusion'.

The little man said 'my wife gave it to me when I was alive'.

Sparrowhawk (Tyrone) - Posts: 107 - 06/08/2010 11:16:43    737774

heres a good 1..mayo for sam 2011 hahahaha

sam1996 (Meath) - Posts: 436 - 06/08/2010 11:35:02    737807

sam1996
County: Meath
Posts: 187

737807
heres a good 1..mayo for sam 2011 hahahaha

Great comeback.....

throw_it_over (Galway) - Posts: 769 - 06/08/2010 12:01:55    737859

Ya. I'd say he made it up himself.

xxx (Mayo) - Posts: 1275 - 06/08/2010 12:20:46    737909

What do you call a Pakistan flood surviver ?





Mustafa Dinghy.

bulldozer (Cavan) - Posts: 83 - 06/08/2010 12:59:22    737993

ye i actually did connacht neighbours sticking up for each other cute..did u like my joke like something that crazy will never happen

sam1996 (Meath) - Posts: 436 - 06/08/2010 13:01:35    737998

Took the mother in law out last night !
One punch f*****g beauty

monitor (Down) - Posts: 209 - 06/08/2010 13:26:32    738035

How do your get a fat bird into bed?





Piece of cake!

LohansRedHelmet (Clare) - Posts: 2697 - 06/08/2010 13:42:18    738057

Prepare yourselves for this Beauty



Meath for sam 2011 ha ha ha ha ha

paddyogall (Mayo) - Posts: 5110 - 06/08/2010 13:53:20    738075

Whats the best way to pull a fat bird?

A Tractor.

pidge (Cork) - Posts: 543 - 06/08/2010 14:22:24    738131

paddyogall classic

sam1996 (Meath) - Posts: 436 - 06/08/2010 14:31:08    738145

pregnant traveller woman bursts in the hospital door and roars that she's giving birth. Doctor runs over and asks "Are you dialated?"
Woman answers back: "Am I dialated? I'm having a baby shur I'm over the moon."

hurlinspuds (Cork) - Posts: 1494 - 06/08/2010 14:43:50    738172

Meath - Leinster Champions 2010 hahaha

jason (Mayo) - Posts: 139 - 06/08/2010 15:20:12    738241

sam1996
County: Meath
Posts: 189

738145 paddyogall classic

You see the funny part of it is that something crazy like that will never happen.

paddyogall (Mayo) - Posts: 5110 - 06/08/2010 15:22:23    738245