03/12/2009 22:05:41
dhorse
County: Laois
Posts: 4104

502446 Who??
_______________

1. He is a sportstar
2. Lives in Florida
3. Its not Dan Marino

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 04/12/2009 17:40:31    503158

THE PRIEST AND THE FROG

One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. "What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog." "Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old choirboy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?"

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old choirboy beside him in bed,

"And that Judge is the case for the Defence..."

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 04/12/2009 19:39:03    503335

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer,
and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and
cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and
a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub,
(because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The
rabbit consumes them and leave
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and
then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie,
please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right
out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..'
The rabbit looks aghast.
the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says,
'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll
love it.'

'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion
Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the
toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

.NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has
only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,
floating above the bar.
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and
Cheese Toasties.
You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED' ,said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause The rabbit said...

'Mixin-me-toasties.'

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 10/12/2009 19:59:24    510125

A goose was just about to cross a road when a chicken ran up to him.
The goose asked what was wrong with him??
The chicken, out of breath an panting heavily replied:
"Don't do it lad!! ya'll never hear the end of it!!!"

the_mascot (Carlow) - Posts: 9 - 16/12/2009 14:23:36    515438

dhorse
County: Laois
Posts: 4251

"And that Judge is the case for the Defence..."

good man dhorse, your still firing them out. really liked that one

Rhodejim (Offaly) - Posts: 2888 - 17/12/2009 12:03:57    516373

Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!

09KY36 (Kerry) - Posts: 329 - 17/12/2009 12:15:11    516381

09KY36
County: Kerry
Posts: 83

516381 Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!

Was thinking that meself. Im prob slow also!!!

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 17/12/2009 12:50:50    516412

09KY36
County: Kerry
Posts: 83

516381 Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!

ConnollyDub
County: Dublin
Posts: 497

516412 09KY36
County: Kerry
Posts: 83

516381 Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!

Was thinking that meself. Im prob slow also!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It a play on the work Myxomatosis, which is a disease for rabbits which can be lethal

Loughduff Lad (Cavan) - Posts: 2484 - 17/12/2009 13:37:03    516452

myxomatosis - google it.

RMDrive (Donegal) - Posts: 2202 - 17/12/2009 13:41:53    516458

type myxomatosis into google

TheMaster (Mayo) - Posts: 16187 - 17/12/2009 13:42:17    516460

myxomatosis is a disease which affects rabbits. It is caused by the Myxoma virus. First observed in Uruguay in the late 1800s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myxomatosis

spyboy (Antrim) - Posts: 343 - 17/12/2009 13:43:21    516461

A wee bit wet behind the ears lads!

link

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 17/12/2009 13:49:12    516466

09KY36
County: Kerry
Posts: 83

516381 Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!
17/12/2009 12:50:50
ConnollyDub
County: Dublin
Posts: 497

516412 09KY36
County: Kerry
Posts: 83

516381 Mixin-me-toasties????? whats that mean.... im prob just slow!!!

Was thinking that meself. Im prob slow also!!!


Probably a pun on maximitosis, an infectious disease that kills rabbits and (I think) other animals

omaghredhand (Tyrone) - Posts: 3656 - 17/12/2009 13:53:00    516471

Also popular in donegal amongst gold course owners as a means of pest control

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 17/12/2009 16:44:05    516624

Omaghredhand - Myxomatosis only affects rabbits - it doesnt affect other animals, not even hares.

anfearbeag (Meath) - Posts: 1134 - 17/12/2009 18:32:26    516687

Ruanua - nice to see you have GOLD course owners up in Donegal. The recession obviously hasnt bitten up there yet.
I have heard of people deliberately introducing myxomatosis to control the rabbit population. Doesnt work very well though. They tend to get immune to it and after a short while the numbers are back to where they were before.

anfearbeag (Meath) - Posts: 1134 - 17/12/2009 18:36:27    516692

did anyone mention myxomatosis yet?

TheMaster (Mayo) - Posts: 16187 - 17/12/2009 18:43:13    516698

17/12/2009 18:36:27
anfearbeag
County: Meath
Posts: 46

516692 Ruanua - nice to see you have GOLD course owners up in Donegal. The recession obviously hasnt bitten up there yet.
I have heard of people deliberately introducing myxomatosis to control the rabbit population. Doesnt work very well though. They tend to get immune to it and after a short while the numbers are back to where they were before.

_______________
No expert but the method I saw used was
Eight row electric fence around the golf course.
New rabbits can't get in
Dose the ones inside
They did beside the wire - further discourages the rest
Ask Slasher did it work - he goes on his holidays to the same golf course

Im sure there's a wolfe tones song in there somewhere too !

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 17/12/2009 19:13:58    516739

Ruanua, there are still some survivors !! Actually put my ball down a rabbit-hole on Sandy Hills last year on the wee par 3 !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 17/12/2009 19:26:38    516763

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?

BobbyB (Tyrone) - Posts: 369 - 17/12/2009 19:35:14    516776