No because you cant get on a one legged horse even though the wee man has 1 leg so does the horse so he can deffo not get on. Like the wee man could get on with 1 leg if someone lifted him but the horse would just fall then :)

Orlaith (Derry) - Posts: 4282 - 15/11/2009 10:29:08    484064

Orlaith

Its not the same when you have to explain them

paddywexman (Wexford) - Posts: 289 - 15/11/2009 18:03:35    484296

Whats black and white and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? ?

A fridge wearing a leather jacket!

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 18/11/2009 12:26:23    487150

Why could Rex not bark?

Cause he wasnt a dog he was a fish

ConnollyDub (Dublin) - Posts: 2007 - 18/11/2009 12:28:04    487152

Orlaith
County: Derry
Posts: 1959

484064 No because you cant get on a one legged horse even though the wee man has 1 leg so does the horse so he can deffo not get on. Like the wee man could get on with 1 leg if someone lifted him but the horse would just fall then :)
-------------------------
Would the one legged horse not be lying down which would make it easy enough even for a one legged man to hop on ?

The Sage (Monaghan) - Posts: 351 - 18/11/2009 13:32:56    487243

John and Peter wer in the woods on a camping trip. John says to Peter "jesus i need to take a fierce dump, but theres nothin around to wipe me hole with except neetles and thorn bushes" So Peter says, "have you a fiver? that shud do the job". So away goes John behind a tree and comes back 20mins later absolutely covered in his own brown stuff. Its all over his hands, arms and face... " christ man, wat happened you?" says Peter. John replies " have you ever tried wipin ur hole with four 50p's, two pound coins, four 20p's and two 10p's??"

eejit85 (Fermanagh) - Posts: 106 - 18/11/2009 14:00:38    487285

No he would be balencing on on leg. You guys make me laugh I can just picture that horse. That joke wasn't even funny now Im killing my self laughing hehe. A big wobbly horse

Orlaith (Derry) - Posts: 4282 - 18/11/2009 18:39:47    487676

husbund says to wife " I had a wet dream about you last night" "Well honey what was it about" she replies. "Well I dreamed that you a bus hit you last night and I p****d meself laughing

gaamad1996 (Wexford) - Posts: 439 - 18/11/2009 19:18:44    487702

The Funeral Procession


A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 27/11/2009 20:34:19    496466

Father Murphy walks into a pub in mountrath and asks the first
man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to
heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to Delaney and asked, 'Do you want
to go to heaven?'

Delaney said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me
that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

Delaney said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting
a crowd together to go right now.'

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 27/11/2009 20:52:52    496485

clinker dhorse liked that one.

is the dog still doing its rounds by any chance? ....just i know a man wudnt mind a lend :)

Rahilly_Man (Tyrone) - Posts: 361 - 27/11/2009 21:15:37    496511

Rahilly_Man
County: Tyrone
Posts: 332

496511 clinker dhorse liked that one.

is the dog still doing its rounds by any chance? ....just i know a man wudnt mind a lend :)

I'm afraid he's tied up for a few weeks

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 28/11/2009 22:42:31    497261

Mickey Harte (yes the tyrone manager) was cracking this joke last night;

A Tyrone man went into a bank to get a loan of £2,000, He was going to Australia for 2 weeks for a break. The Tyrone man said that he would leave his brand new porsche to show he will pay back the £2,000. So the Tyrone man handed the bank manager the keys and the bank manager took the car down to the car park. While the man was away the bank took a look in his account it turns out that the Tyrone man was a multi millionaire. When the Tyrone man came back from Australia the bank manager politely asked him why he needed a loan of £2,000 the man replied "It is the only place that you could park your car in Belfast and you were guaranteed it back in one piece"

(I left out some pieces, Mickey harte went into more details)

Orlaith (Derry) - Posts: 4282 - 28/11/2009 23:03:06    497284

Drunk Dad hears a commotion early one snowy Christmas morning. Runs outside and yells-

I don't give a **** who you are, get them ******* reindeer off the ******* roof!

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 28/11/2009 23:34:26    497306

Q.what do you call a man with a toe on his knee?
A. TONY

flyer (Meath) - Posts: 815 - 29/11/2009 00:22:28    497329

What's the difference between a golf ball & a car?? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards!

dubupnorth (Dublin) - Posts: 1897 - 30/11/2009 09:32:23    498043

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed! 'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.' 'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?' 'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos' 'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to your watch and say 'Times up'? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 03/12/2009 21:44:09    502411

dhorse
County: Laois
Posts: 4099

I see you used Rolex rather than Tag heur - very sensitive given their main endorsee

ruanua (Donegal) - Posts: 4966 - 03/12/2009 21:55:34    502435

Who??

dhorse (Laois) - Posts: 11374 - 03/12/2009 22:05:41    502446

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge". "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to **** off.

RunOfThePigs (Donegal) - Posts: 131 - 04/12/2009 15:26:06    503029