LOTTO: Last Draw for E11,200 No Winner. Numbers: 19, 21, 28, 31 Bonus: 10 E40 euro winners Tommie Gilsenan, Kerri Galligan, Kenny Brady, Kathleen Hoey Next draw for E11,400 Due to new publishing deadlines Lotto results from next week will be one week behind. Up to date results will be available on club website or via the weekly Tuesday E-News. CLUB JACKETS: We are currently building a club order for rain jackets. All sizes available from 5/6 years to XXL. Please contact Enda on 086 2032884 or download latest Red and Black Times newsletter on website and print off order form. FIXTURES Under 14 Thursday, 21st May @ 7.30pm Lavey v Killygarry Under 16 Friday, 22nd May @ 7.30pm Crosserlough v Killygarry Division 1 Saturday, 23rd May @ 7.30pm Killygarry v Cuchullains Division 3 Saturday, 23rd May @ 6pm Killygarry v Munterconnacht Under 12 Monday 24th May @ 7.30pm Lacken v Killygarry RESULTS U14 Div 3 Killygarry 3-05 Denn 2-06 U12 Div 2 Killygarry 5-12 Mullahoran 0-03 Match reports available within paper or on www.killygarry.com League tables now online. Congratulations to all our Under 14 boys & girls who travelled to Derry last Saturday to represent both club and county in the Ulster Feile. A massive effort was put in by all involved and all players will have benefited from the experience. We all look forward to the All Ireland Feile in July and we wish them the very best of luck. SOCIAL EVENTS: The club has organised a race night which will be held in the Kesh Bar on Saturday May 30th. Funds raised on the night will go towards Killygarry GAC and also a contribution will be made to the Killygarry Ladies who are taking part in the Dublin mini marathon on behalf of the Irish Cancer Society, Crumlin. The evening will commence at 9pm sharp. Start thinking up your horse names straight away. GAA VHI CÚL CAMPS: This year Killygarry GAC will host a VHI GAA CÚL Camp between July 20 - 24. This is a great opportunity for our young boys and girls between the ages of 5 and 13 years to experience these fun filled camps. All camp leaders and helpers are fully qualified coaches. Booking forms now available and slots will fill very fast so contact Enda Mulvany for further information on 086 203 2884. WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT: On June 20th Cavan GAA Coaching & Games are celebrating the GAA 125 Anniversary in a truly unique way. They will attempt to break a Guinness World Record for the most participants taking part in a 100m continuous relay around the running track at Kingspan Breffni Park over a 12 hour period. Beginning at 9.30pm, members of every GAA club in Cavan are invited to participate in this world record attempt. The record attempt seeks to celebrate 125 years of the GAA and to raise both awareness and money for the Marie Keating Foundation, the Cavan General Hospital Diabetes Fund and for Games Development within Cavan GAA. More than 2000 participants needed to break the record so all members of all GAA Codes - Football, Hurling, Camogie, Cumman na mBunscoil, Rounders & Handball, Juvenile Boys & Girls and Senior Men & Ladies are invited to participate with their clubs. To take part and attempt to become part of the Cavan GAA world record team is simple. Each club has been contacted and distributed with Sponsorship cards. All you need raise is 2 for every 10m run and if you manage to sell the bonus lines you will gain a new Go Games football for your club. Please keep an eye on the Cavan GAA Coaching & Games website coaching.cavan.gaa.ie to make sure your club is registered to take part in this historic record setting day. The World Record Attempt will also revolve around a Health Awareness Day and lots of information on lifestyle and health checks will be available on site so drop in and become informed. For more information or get a sponsorship card email: [email protected] or call Nicholas Walsh on 087 743 9535 or Enda Mulvany on 086 203 2884. SENIOR CHAMPIONSHIP Group 4 Round 1 Thursday June 11th Killygarry vs Denn Kingspan Breffni Park LADIES FOOTBALL Under 12 & 14: training every Monday and Wednesday between 6.30pm and 7.30pm. If you are living around Cavan and wish to join our underage club then please come along. Club contact details can be found on our website www.killygarry.com Under 16, Minor and Senior Ladies: Training at Killygarry Football Grounds on Tuesdays and Fridays from 7.00 - 8.00 pm. New players are always welcome at Killygarry. JUVENILE CLUB Under 8 & Under 10 games arranged in Ballinagh next Saturday May 23rd. Parents please arrange to be in Ballinagh by 10.20am latest or meet at club grounds at 10am to travel with group. Under 12: Game at home next Monday night May 18th against Lacken at 7.30pm Under 14: Game Thursday night (May 14th) against Lavey away at 7.30pm. Under 16: Matches every Tuesday at 7.30pm and training Thursdays between 8 and 9.15 pm at pitch; Minor: Contact Dessie Cahill for further information. Red and Black Times: April Club Newsletter now in circulation. If you did not get a copy it is available to download from www.killygarry.com Communications: Killygarry GAA wants all members of our club and local community to visit our club website regularly and register their email address to receive their weekly news updates. If you have news you want to circulate to your local community please email to [email protected] More information available along with new photographs on www.killygarry.com JOKES There are 3 guys who get a visit from an angel. The angel says, "I'm giving you a heads up. You are going to die and then come back with a girl. How good you are in heaven determines how beautiful she'll be. So the first guy comes back and is with a really ugly girl. The most ugly you have probably seen. Then, the second guy comes back and is with an even uglier girl. But, when the third guy comes back he is with the most beautiful girl you ever did see. The first 2 guys look at each other saying, "Wow, he must have been very good." Then the woman shouts, "I GOT STUCK WITH HIM!" How To Ask A Man To Do Something Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something: 1. Make sure the man is conscious. 2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section. 3. Be brief! Limit your nagging speech to two, three hours, max. 4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover. 5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes. 6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt." The Male Point System In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here's a guide to the point system. Simple Duties: You make the bed (+1) You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets(-1) You leave the toilet seat up (-5) You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0) When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1) When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2) You go out to buy her flowers (+5) But return with beer (-5) You check out a suspicious noise at night (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5) You pummel it with a six iron (+10) It's her father (-20) Social Engagements You stay by her side the entire party (0) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) Named Tiffany (-4) And was Belle of the Ball at the Debs (-8) Her Birthday You take her out to dinner (0) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1) Okay, it is a sports bar (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10) A Night Out with The Boys Go out with a pal (-5) And the pal is happily married (-4) Or frighteningly single (-7) And he drives a Porsche (-10) A Night Out You take her to a movie (+2) You take her to a movie she likes (+4) You take her to a movie you hate (+6) You take her to a movie you like (-2) It's called DeathCop3 (-3)) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15) Your Physique You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30) You say "I don't care because you have one too" (-800) The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) You hesitate in responding (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Communication When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0) When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10) She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20) Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him chequebooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal... Girls, it will be your turn next week!!!!!!!! Tweet

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