Here's a few of my favourites: Homer:I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homer:The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite. Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate. Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Sisco87 (Tipperary) - Posts: 759 - 17/06/2009 17:15:58    315007

homer staggers into bed after a few and marge asks "are you drunk?"

cue homer :"I'm drunk on love... and beer."


another one from that airplane film when the guy sits down in his seat on the plane next to the old lady and he doesnt look too good.

Woman: Nervous?
Man: Yes
Woman: First time?
Man: No, i've been nervous lots of times.

loved these two

passerby (Tyrone) - Posts: 724 - 17/06/2009 19:31:03    315144

how dare you!?

beer baron (Cavan) - Posts: 3916 - 17/06/2009 19:42:46    315163

far to many to name from the rush hour series.. by god these are three of the best films ever!!

budlight (Tyrone) - Posts: 540 - 17/06/2009 20:18:56    315190

David Brent - "What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by seventeen per cent, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went, 'Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?', so. (beat) Didn't happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish"

David Brent - If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain - do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
---------------------------

Randy - It's no fun to be blind. Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Maybe he can't see that he's smiling
---------------------------

Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you play?
Failed Drug Buyer: I used to play football in school.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I mean, what instrument?
Failed Drug Buyer: I don't.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What are you doing here, then?
Failed Drug Buyer: Well, I saw everyone else lining up, so, uh - I thought you were selling drugs.

conghaile (Dublin) - Posts: 111 - 18/06/2009 09:09:11    315574

Wait a minute. I know where we are! The park is near here! We're near the park, Lois! Oh, that's the tree! I peed on that! Hey Lois! Lois! There's another dog in that car! Hey, hey! Hey! Hey! There's another dog in that car! Hey! Are you seeing that?! Hey! Hey! Hey! Other dog! **** you!

black&white (Sligo) - Posts: 1628 - 18/06/2009 10:35:11    315633

The Big Lebowski Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable. Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. The Dude: He fixes the cable? Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the **** is this? The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer. The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man. Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism? The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude. The Dude: And what's that? The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words? The Dude: What the **** you talking about? Thug (after urinating on the Dude's rug: Let's go, this guy's a loser. The Dude: At least I'm housebroken. The Big Lebowski: What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? The Dude: Dude. The Big Lebowski: Huh? The Dude: Uhh... I don't know sir. The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man? The Dude: Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

black&white (Sligo) - Posts: 1628 - 18/06/2009 11:01:59    315668

water distilled in the mountains of afghanistan??? i bet old osamas had a bath in that
brian potter (in a wheelchair) you'd wanna spend a day walkin round in my shoes gerry
gerry - yeah so would you
brian -thats low gerry that were below the belt
gerry - thats o.k then you wouldn't have felt then
peter kay - im not homophobic, im not scared of my house

rexbanner10 (Cavan) - Posts: 396 - 18/06/2009 11:36:08    315720

Airplane was on telly a few weeks ago. Great show

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Fredthered (Donegal) - Posts: 1144 - 18/06/2009 12:24:32    315788

Dougal: Can I stay up tonight to watch the scary film?
Ted: Ah, no no no. The last time you stayed up to watch a scary film you ended up having to sleep in my bed. I wouldn't mind, but it wasn't even a scary film.
Dougal: Come on, Ted. A Volkswagen with a mind of its own. If that isn't scary, I don't know what is.

Fredthered (Donegal) - Posts: 1144 - 18/06/2009 12:27:34    315792

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

irlande (Fermanagh) - Posts: 535 - 18/06/2009 12:55:12    315843

Homer and Lisa watching the News on T.V.

Lisa (crying) " An oil slick has hit Baby Seal Bay " !!
Homer. " Dont worry Lisa, theres lots more oil where that came from " !!

Cavan_Slasher (Cavan) - Posts: 10253 - 18/06/2009 13:09:01    315863

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Old man: No

(Clouseau goes to pet the dog who promptly ates the hand off him)

Clouseau(flustered) : I thought you said your dog does not bite.

Old man(shruggs): This is not my dog




Gold

panboxty (Leitrim) - Posts: 129 - 18/06/2009 13:35:51    315896

'Ginger people have no souls' - Southpark

Brolly (Monaghan) - Posts: 4472 - 18/06/2009 15:53:55    316068

Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'? Elderly woman: Up yours, n*****r. Blazing Saddles

sam2008 (Tyrone) - Posts: 799 - 18/06/2009 16:28:01    316110

chief wiggum returns home to find ralph & bart playing with his police gear, wiggum to ralph "ralphie, you know you not allowed in there, just what is this facination you have with daddy's forbidden cupboard of mystery?"

Santas little helper has run away and bart & milhouse are reminiscing, milhouse to bart "you remember when he ate my goldfish & you told me I never had a goldfish, but what about the bowl bart, what about the bowl?"

I could go on!

brendtheredhand (Tyrone) - Posts: 10897 - 18/06/2009 21:26:38    316485

Dumb and Dumber:

Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.


Lloyd: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry: No way!
Lloyd: I'll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You're on!
Lloyd: I'm gonna get ya!
Harry: Nuh uh!
Lloyd: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.

Sisco87 (Tipperary) - Posts: 759 - 19/06/2009 10:25:04    316793

" Don't die young, die Old "

David Brent in The Office

Meath_bhoy (Meath) - Posts: 590 - 19/06/2009 10:29:35    316800

When Homer is comlaining about having to pay the 'Bear Tax'..

Homer: But i am already paying the Homer Tax....
Lisa: No, Thats the Home owner tax...


Homer: A Gime (gym)???......Oh.. a GIME!!!!

JOHN_3_7 (Mayo) - Posts: 56 - 19/06/2009 10:33:36    316807

Van Wilder: Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be.
Gwen: And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?
Van Wilder: This would be a first.
Gwen: Why do I find that hard to believe?
Van Wilder: I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.

caveman (Dublin) - Posts: 77 - 19/06/2009 10:35:42    316811